So.... Once again it's happend. I have neglected my blog! I am aweful at updating...
Life is so crazy!! Everyday feels like a lifetime and then you look back and six months have flown by. This year has been a learning one to say the least. If you asked me one year ago on this day if I could survive the things my family has been through I would say No way. In fact on the 26th of Aug. 2010 I told my best friend Mabry those exact words "I could never survive without you." We were laying in her bed late at night, having a good little chat-just like normal. She reached over and put her arm around me and said "Thanks for being a good friend. I love you too!" and we rolled over and went to sleep. Little did I know, less than 24 hrs from when we had that little chat, I would say goodbye to one of my best friends for the last time while we were both alive. I was riding home from the boys football game and she was driving the grain cart. The next night my life changed forever. I lost a best friend. I lost 2 cousins that I loved. I was forced to grow up. I was forced to mourn. I was forced to grow. As I look over the last year, I realize that I have changed. A lot. and that maybe, in some ways, I have changed for the better. I have come to realize what true compassion towards others is. I have learned to genuinly care and love someone who is struggling. I have learned that sometimes people need to talk, and sometimes people just need to sit, remember, and cherish the memories. I have learned to put a genuine smile and truly be as happy as I can. I treasure every moment that I was able to enjoy with Mabry. The laughs, the tears, the long chats late at night and early in the morning. I miss the daily calls. I miss begging Misty to let Mab have texting. I miss the sisterly fights that I would have to break up. I miss the ice cream, mud, water, and anything else we could find to use fights between us 5 cousins. I miss going shooting as cousins. I miss fixing her hair and makeup- cause I was the "girly girl." I miss sitting at Sam's house on the tailgate. And most of all I miss that contagious smile that lit up a room. I miss having that one friend that you could trust with all your secrets.
As I was scanning Facebook today, Mabry's name was on the list of friends to chat with. The way the new chat thing is set up- it shows people's name's, even if they are not online. Somehow I accidently clicked her name. A little thing appeared that said "Mabry is currently unavailable, but you can still send her a message." That got me to thinking. If she was able to receive one message from me what would I tell her? The first thing that popped into my head was to tell her Thank You. I would tell her thanks for being such an amazing example of pure love. She cared about every person she came in contact with. I never heard her say that she disliked anyone- even if they sometimes got on her nerves. I would then tell her that I am going to try hard everyday to do something that reminds me of her. I would tell her thanks for letting me be friends with her family. Camas and Talyn are so fun and I look up to them a lot. We have had a lot of fun memories and they remind me of her often. Misty and Jeremie are great examples to me and I am glad that they expect me to be the best person I can.
As I have grown this year, a lot of my old childish perspectives have changed a lot. I have come to realize that the petty things I worried about before don't really matter. That my family is the most important thing on this earth. I have learned that my tuff brothers have tender hearts and love me. I have learned I love them more than anything. I have learned to cherish every moment and remember to find the good in every situation. I have learned also the importance of writing things down and taking pictures. As much as we try to not to forget things, as time passes the little details start to slip our minds. I am so glad to have the journal that Mabry gave me.
So.... Although the past year has not been what I would have imagined, or maybe hoped for- I know there is a reason for everything. And although I am not sure how it is all going to work out after this life, I know that I am going to live the best that I can to be an example of what my friend Mabry was while she was here on earth. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will be reunited with her when my time here is done. We will be able to hang out, laugh, get in a mud fight, and we will pick up right where we left off. I know that she is here with me when I need her the most. So.... My message to her is- short and simple. I love you. Miss you everyday and cannot wait to see you again. Thanks for being my best friend. Forever and Always! <3